Yearly Plan 2017

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Introduction, or Reflections on The Present

Dated 31.12.2016

The deeds of men,

in every age,

remain the same.

- Legend of Galactic Heroes

I have so many things I want to do with my life and so do others. This is the basis for human liberty and solidarity. My final dream is to create a world of free and equal human beings. If there is one thing I have learned as a child, no even as an ‘adult’, is that all dreams can turn to nightmares. Just this morning I had a dream of being pursued around the house (in Sri Lanka) by a magical lizard intent on killing me and my mother. It was such a struggle to get away, running up the stairs, climbing down ladders, locking doors, what a childish dream.

I am a political and sexual man(as a matter of fact and not in any self-aggrandizing way) and this will inevitably show up in my ‘plans.’ However it is only if I acknowledge these desires that I can have any basis for liberty or solidarity. Any ideology (secular or not) whose goal is to limit and not to serve said desires is totalitarian and to use that old and tried and frequently misused word and no doubt ‘some’ will think I have misused it- it is evil. Who are ‘some’? It is important to make it clear who you are accusing when you are accusing ‘some’ because otherwise it has an inquisitor’s air in that those who are accused of ‘it’ cannot even defend themselves because they have not been directly accused, any rebuttal would appear like pleading guilty in part to the charges been made. It is also a dishonest way of dog whistling to your reader so that readers who would otherwise disagree with your text if they knew who you were accusing will still nod to everything you have to say, but a certain sector of your readership will get who you are referring to and some occasions do the accusing for you so that you don’t have to answer for having made any accusations. After all it was those readers themselves who on their own volition decided to attack your target which you (I am not accusing ‘you’ obviously though you might be guilty of this too, dear reader, don’t take it personally, if I upset you too much you won’t read the rest) did not have the courage or the honesty to even refer to in your attacks.

No doubt the totalitarian instinct is bound to these desires but only in a suppressive way, only in its promise to give them what is naturally yours only if you die for them, or live for them, at which point you might as well die for them. As for my sexual life or lack thereof I don’t think it is irrelevant as a repulsion to Eros can not just lead to Thanatos, very often the stated reason is a lack of virtue in life but the real reason is the unfulfilled desire, though an awareness of this fact can lead to further self-pity it is better than a lack of awareness. Christopher Hitchens said that totalitarianism in Iran is a few young men who can’t get a date being given guns and told that they are special. Sometimes things are quite simple. Can you see why I would find the modus operandi of such totalitarianism doubly insulting and doubly revolting?

I am not overusing the personal pronoun, but nor should I spoil it by using certain phrases like “I think”, “In my opinion” are certainly redundant and also insulting to any one who reads a text after all there is an insinuation that they couldn’t be able to understand that I am articulating ‘my’ opinion not to mention the sneakiness that it shares with phrases like “It could be argued”, I am not talking about the passive nature of the latter as the former are certainly active but about the attempt to skirt criticism by pretending to forgo certainty, while not actually giving a reason to doubt the claim followed by the phrase, “In my opinion (Sri Lankan)Tamils breed too much” while simultaneously equivocating all points of view if used as they are often used to give validity to a statement that is at best debatable “this my opinion and what is your opinion”. Did I also mention how it is a disgusting display of false modesty and pseudo-intellectual virtue signalling? Well what have these got to do with my goals for 2017, nothing except that clear language is a prerequisite for any endeavour plus I am really distraught about having made many self-deprecating comments in my writing whose intent is: I might say this but I am really great am I? Please praise me! Praise me! Praise me more! Here’s another self-deprecating comment that is not actually true(in the text in front of you at least)! Tell me how I am wrong I am about myself! Tell me how great I am! So yeah… I really ought to stop this (I was going to say passively and therefore dishonestly that “this really ought to stop”) if self-respect is on the agenda. At any rate I must not run away from the personal pronoun or poison it with relativism.

Oh and by the way lest you accuse me of not saying who I accuse of believing that Sri Lankan Tamils breed too much, well frankly it is me, many of the attitudes that the colonial masters(why does authoritarianism always have sadomasochistic undertones?) towards their subjects (okay they’re not slaves, by the way I don’t like the fact that we in the United Kingdom still have to be subjects while say Indians can be citizens… no it’s not just semantics, ask a monarchist, no not one of those geeks who like to collect stuff(I wouldn’t even call it memorabilia) related to the monarchy, ask a real monarchist like say Peter Hitchens, yes that wasn’t meant as an insult, nor as a compliment, just a description though he may take it like he likes) are shared by the people of the relatively ‘new’ nations and one of the most common and insipid attitudes is that one or more of the other ethnic/religious groups breed too much. I say that the former masters and the former colonials ‘share’ this attitude and not that say that the people of Burma or Sri Lanka ‘borrowed’ this attitude from the British because a. That would give the Burmese and the Sri Lankans an undeserved excuse b. It’s not the fault of the British people in any way that other peoples hold the attitudes they do though to be honest the British governments inept withdrawal from India and Cyprus was a betrayal of the people of India and of Cyprus. In the case of Israel I frankly don’t know what the British government should or could have done so Pilate can wash his hands off clean this time. (Wait… does this imply it was the Jew’s fault? Speaking of sadomasochism and the death of Jesus of Nazareth (or should I say Bethlehem), yes I watched the Mel Gibson’s The Passion and I liked it as a kid though perhaps for the wrong reasons though perhaps that was the intent or at least it must have crossed his mind well at any rate that was the effect.

“Orwell was right” are three words I say to myself too often to be comfortable with. I am too fond of “the man” and I haven’t even read everything he has ever written that is available. Next year I have to read everything making a point to find somewhere where he was wrong about something. I shouldn’t have my opinions dictated by the graves of dead journalists (Christopher Hitchens) or by those who are still alive (Peter Hitchens). Sure it feels good to worship the plaster Saint Orwell - patron saint of England, Anti-totalitarianism, Anti-imperialism and Democratic Socialism as he sees it so that I can worship myself. It is hard to set up oneself as a saint or a sage or a god instead it is easier to worship something that is considered a saint or a sage or a god and make others worship it too and to be pleased with oneself for being virtuous for the virtue of kowtowing to the virtuous. Every compliment and respect given to the idol, the saint becomes a compliment to them. This is the principle by which referential comedy works, when the viewer recolonizes a reference made

he/she will feel pleased with themselves for identifying it or rather for being one of “the ones” to identify it. It is also the principle behind all effective positive political slogans. To give an air of validity to your platform just selectively quote and leech on what is considered virtuous. For negative political slogans its just the opposite compare your opposition to all the things that are considered non-virtuous. However this doesn’t mean that all virtue is virtue-signalling. But only that those who sacrificed themselves for a great cause, those who did something good, only they are beautiful, only they are virtuous, their actions don’t say a damned about the rest of us and more to the point do not require our veneration. Or in other words every-time I say that “Orwell was right” I also think “and so am I.”

A balance between sadism and masochism is necessary to live “in” this world. Most saints are masochists and the tyrants are sadists of course. Human beings must not be saints or tyrants. This is not a moral indictment of some sort in and of itself but if civilization is on the agenda it is a rule. The reason I say this is because if every act and thought is self-centred then selfishness becomes sadism and selflessness becomes masochism.

The British Labour Movement is dead and we (The Left) killed it. I can live in a world without Socialism (and no God) but I can’t live in a world without right and wrong. Socialism (and Christianity) may have informed my thinking but they did not dictate it. For me Socialism was Christianity without a God and Christianity was Socialism with a God. I must have pissed off quite a few people with my last few comments and I can’t say that I am not pleased with it, “to be important enough for that to happen” but that is truly the way I saw it, I wanted and I still want a world of free and equal men.

I used to use the word “perhaps” too much to denote my uncertainty I would like to replace it with “on the contrary” and the two most important words in this universe, “so what?” as any annoying eight year old can attest to such as I was.

Literature cannot change the world for the better. I have been planning for some to write a pamphlet titled “The Final Solution to the Human Problem, or A Misanthrope’s manifesto.” A pamphlet so full of hatred for humanity that Meinf Kempf and the Gospel of Mark would seem like love letters to the Jewish people. I will collect all the hatred in England on a plate, feast on it while reading The Guardian and then regurgitate its contents into a pamphlet poorly masquerading as a novel. A pure distillation of ALL the hatred in England – left wing, right wing- a hatred that comes from and goes in every direction. An ode to hatred and to the human cry. An argument for Death. To blow it all to kingdom come, or not come, either way it’s fine. It has to be better than this. It’s either utopia or it’s nothing. Evolution is an illusion. There is no such thing as progress. There is nothing that is right or wrong? Now That is too much. A farce to end all human farce. A solution to end all problems. An affirmation of a life without suffering through a covenant with death. An end to all material conditions. Therefore an end to all social conditions. The formal end of that little experiment with human liberty that began in England. I don’t want this but then again what has reality got to do with what I like? Well, I suppose it could be argued there is an inverse relationship? The more I dislike something the more real it is. An end with a horror rather than a horror with no end. Just as salvation through Politics is a lie so is politics through Salvation.

And in the penultimate act we will have something that we have never had before- a genuine English fascist movement and blood running down London’s gutters. No wonder I can’t write fiction. That statement may be exactly one word too long. The poisoned chalice is filled with a tonic of self-pity and self-hatred topped up with self-righteousness. At any rate it’s all cliché. What is the point in writing if everything that’s worth reading has already being written. “An end with a horror is better than a horror with no end” Really? I am just parroting someone else’s words. And not just the words but the thoughts too. I am a cliché.

England, whose England?


Che chiedi? Che vuoi?...

Che gelo è questo mai!?...

NO!NO!NO!NOOO!…

-Il Commendatore scene, Don Giovanni, Mozart

I always keep holding up England to unreasonable moral standards and she always lets me down.

There has to be such a thing as objective truth, if not then Journalism is nothing more than misery porn(reporting) and frothing at the mouth in righteous indignation(social commentatory). There has to be such a thing as objective morality otherwise morality is relative power. These are all emotional arguments. I feel guilty for not shouldering my responsibility, it would be convenient for me to say that my responsibility is entirely arbitrary but I just do not want to do away for justice even if I am in the wrong. But that just means I am self-righteous. A morality independent of power (be it worldly or otherwordly). I can tell a lie when I see one and I can call an injustice one when I see one, but even if I go on eliminating lies and injustices I am left with too many things to choose from. Sure we can set some parameters through some arbitrary criteria. For example “killing for violence’s sake is wrong” but the criteria that human life has value is just an opinion. And if the consequences of anything do not have any value, does it matter on which side of any issue you are? The temptation of faith are very high but I don’t want to be a cowardly opportunist. But if there are no virtues, or even worse - if all virtue is virtue signalling then what is the use of courage? No, the primary problem with faith is that the historical lies are too much. If the verifiable claims are false then why should I believe in the unverifiable claims coming from the same source? Peter Hitchens is a journalist and should know better. The Only Mode of Existence is The Aesthetic Mode of Existence. Obedience to God is just another Aesthetic Mode of Existence. The Ethical Mode of Existence is obviously just another Aesthetic Mode of Existence. Sorry Kiekergard. Mark Twain was right. Everything that man does is to please himself in one way or the other- and that is the essence of aesthetic and therefore the essence of human existence as we know it. Human solidarity is enough when co-dependence is not enough. There is no need for more than that as far as Ethics is concerned. But what about the truth? Well elimination is not all that we need to find The Truth but it’s all that we have got. We collect experiences, form thoughts and then eliminate the unreasonable ones using reason, our only guide, but the motive is always sentimental and therefore always selfish and always aesthetic. Mark Twain made this point more clearly than I could in “What is man?” Human solidarity is selfish and an aesthetic. There is a difference between saying that something is unfair and that it ought to be unfair. Just because the world is unfair that doesn’t mean that rapists, child molesters and murderers should be our rulers, well at least they ought not to be. There is no such thing as natural justice, at any rate in this world. So we make it for aesthetic reasons.

How can I be a good man if I am so selfish? I can’t do what is right just for the sake of it. Orwell was right, Tosloy was a fool and Swift a small minded partisan and a blind utopian and Twain nothing more than a licensed jester. Orwell was too lenient on Dickens because he thought they resembled each other. What am I saying? I don’t know what he thought. Is Orwell the prototype for a good man? I want to be more like him though not exactly like him. I know we are two people. He is a better writer and a more honest man. Can you fall in love with a dead writer? To be honest I can’t remember what love feels like, maybe this Orwell mania is just self-love after all. At any rate I am lost and Orwell seems to be as good a moral compass as it gets until I can find myself, well to be honest it’s also because Orwell is so cool. He is a good man but he isn’t boring. This may sound stupid but the reason I want to be in England is because it is his England. Somewhere in his writing I can’t exactly say where he is an optimist in man’s nature. Something very rare these days. He doesn’t even talk about it because it’s obvious just like he doesn’t waste that much time telling us how fascism is bad.

The American constitution is an English one therefore the English one should be an American one.

Britain has a long and shameful history of censorship and no constitution to stop it. It should be short and sweet and clear like that, not a 140 page constitution with a thousand different loopholes like the constitution of a third world country. Morality is chiefly something to regulate our own behaviour and not to order around other people. The government of a free country does not decide what is the truth and therefore what is moral. The government merely exists to facilitate the coexistence of the people. The British government is planning to create A National Database of the Fetishes of Her Majesty’s subjects. Come to think of it isn’t the relationship between the monarch and the subjects a sadomasochistic one? I know that it depends on the way you look at it but by that reasoning either everything is pornographic or nothing is. Peter Hitchens would rather have all pornographic content banned because it corrupts the youth and prevents them from being good citizens but can’t he see that the same could be said by others about his own articles and can’t he see that he is standing side by side the illiberal communists and Statists who he so despises. Much more than that, he is opening the door wide open for them into our beloved Britain. The point of this example is that there is much more left to do and that some things are really simple. I want to become someone who helps to run this shit-show we call civilization. In another time and place (like say the GDR) I would have made an excellent censor. What does that say about me? That I know what to look for and how.

I need my own money and I need to study. I want to draw and I want to write. And last but not least I want to fuck. That settles my priorities. I can’t tell my parents and my friend Pippo how grateful I am because of my (unjustifiable) pride, so I need to show them. I have to find a job, any job at this point, I cannot leach on the kindness of my parents any more.


Ci faremo autori del nostro destino- I Cieli di Escaflowne, Italian Dub


Word count isn’t everything. A good epigram is better than a mediocre novel.


I have finally decided what I want to do with my life. I want to become a mangaka and an aircraft engineer. As for my fiction writing I will just run one story website – Nanjou Sachi- to which I will add at least 300 words per day and which will be the basis for all the manga that I draw. As for the bulk of my political and artistic criticism. I will write (at least) one well researched article per week for “Politics and the English Language” and one for “A Portrait of an Otaku.” I like the idea of progressively upping things, like in Otaku no Video but not like in Gurren Lagaan or Zegapain. The problem that the “upping” is merely cosmetic just like everything else- after subsistence has been achieved. I find it hard to say that all that I care about are things that are purely symbolic because I am too arrogant but a single disinterested look at myself is enough to discern that much.

It’s a purely aesthetic problem like all problems. Both the shell and the ghost are purely aesthetic. I believe I am situated somewhere in my head. How many and which parts would I have to hack away before what remains is not me? A good place to start with would be my genitals, some things are not just symbolic. My “Trouble with girls”, to use the title of an extract from Christopher Hitchens’s book “Orwell’s Victory”, is encapsulated in an extract from Orwell’s last notebook: “The conversation’s he overheard as a small boy, between his mother, his aunt, his elder sister & their feminist friends. The way in which… he derived a firm impression that women did not like men, that they looked upon them as a sort of large, ugly, smelly and ridiculous animal, who maltreated women in every way, above all by forcing their attentions upon them. It was pressed deep into his consciousness, to remain there till he was about 20, that sexual intercourse gives pleasure only pleasure to the man… and the picture of it in his mind was of a man pursuing a woman, forcing her down, & jumping on top of her, as he had often seen a cock to do to a hen.”

I used to have a few chicken back when I was a kid and I’ll be twenty next year and a few other things set in as well. Unlike Orwell’s most-likely autobiographical narrator however, I don’t think that this diagnosis applies to all men merely to myself and to others to whom this does apply.

The normal reaction once you have realized that you are unable to provide any pleasure and do not to use others for your own pleasure, that’s only a few steps away from desiring to give yourself up for someone else’s pleasure. If I can inflict pain on myself for the sake of someone else’s pleasure then I can at least in part be forgiven and justified by an unseen impartial witness for my selfish desires. But this is a dishonest delusion after all I am only pretending not to feel any pleasure. Or in other words it’s self-loathing, guilt and self-pity. Naturally anyone is only a few steps away from self-righteousness however you are much more liable to it if you feel you have been wronged. As Orwell said about a certain Austrian failed artist, who killed himself on the 30th of April 1945, incidentally the same day and month as my birthday, “It is a pathetic dog-like face, the face of a man suffering from intolerable wrongs. In a rather more manly way it reproduces the expression of innumerable pictures of Christ crucified, and there is little doubt this is how he sees himself. The initial, personal cause of his grievance against the universe can only be guessed at; but at any rate the grievance is here. He is a martyr, the victim. Prometheus chained to the rock, the self-sacrificing hero who fights single-handed against impossible odds. If he were killing a mouse he would know how to make it seem like a dragon. One feels as with Napoleon, that he is fighting against destiny, that he can’t win, and yet somehow that he deserves to.” The self-effacing and the self-aggrandizing are not mutually exclusive, in-fact extreme diminutiveness is a sign of immense greed and arrogance and hubris. Making it a virtue to recognize how lacking in virtue one is and then wallowing in self-loathing, drowning in guilt while being intoxicated by self-pity. The acolyte or the hermit that rejects every earthly desire shows that his greed is such that it cannot be satiated by anything earthly so he settles for nothing or deludes himself with pure wishful fantasies. It’s much easier to get sick of people and things than you might think which is exactly all that these men have achieved, nothing more.

The narrator of Orwell’s Keep the Aspidistra Flying opens chapter six in the following way: “This women business! What a bore it is! What a pity we can’t cut it right out, or at least be like animals- minutes of ferocious lust and months of icy chastity. Take a cock pheasant for example. He jumps up on the hens’ backs without so much as with your leave or by your leave. And no sooner is it over than the whole subject is out of his mind.” All of this is so petty and childish but so is the narrator and so am I - Always bogged down in some worthless work-in-progress. That makes me a plagiarism of a parody of an archetype. I am getting tired of role-playing the writer. This business can indeed become an all time and resource consuming worthless waste of time and headache. Ideally it should only be an add-on.

In that same extract Christopher Hitchens concludes that “to the extent that there was a balance of power between the sexes, he [Orwell] seem to have felt that, if anything, it already favoured the female quite enough.” Am I with Orwell? It’s the context that matters of course and here in England at any rate in the indigenous population this does seem to be the case. Anyway that is not the right question, this document after all is about my case in particular, well I suppose there has been more pressure on me to succeed than on my sister but for my part I have done everything not to heed such pressure and if I might add have been quite successful at it, what I am trying to get at is that pressure to succeed is not a bad thing in and of itself and that one has a choice to reject it as far as one wants to as they say it’s a free country, as far as the business is concerned I take it more as a failure as a personal failure rather than anything else.

What about Love? Well what about it? Just like the Ministry of Truth may as well be The Ministry of Lies, am I to assume that the Ministry of Love has nothing to with love? Well unfortunately Winston Smith loves Big Brother. Unpleasant facts get in the way of love so an affirmation of love is a rejection of unpleasant facts. Does that mean that to have the power of love is the opposite of the power to face unpleasant facts? Well, not when it is within the bounds of probability. It may seem that things like trust, faith, love and hope by definition lack an element of certainty that is present in facts and that is certainly true in many cases. For example “The moon rotates the sun” is more certain than “I love you.” However this does not need to be the case, after all facts can be trusted because they can be verifiable. However for there to be love the verification must be voluntary, any sneakiness would be a breach of trust before it is even established in fact.

Does Big Brother look like or sound like Orwell? It takes one to know one. That’s just a platitude but still- picture a poster which says “Big Brother is Watching you” with George Orwell’s angry face on it, would anything look unusual other than the angry look? Well and somehow even that may be not as unusual as we think.

I feel like no one respects me unless there is something that they can get from me. I am not saying that anyone is under any obligation to humour me let alone under an obligation to love me but I wouldn’t mind a bit of civility. It’s not like you can’t be politely rude. I often come off as rudely polite – because I don’t know how to act and I am too eager to please. The problem however may be in that I don’t have really anything to offer, well at any rate anything else they couldn’t easily get elsewhere and I am too arrogant to take the hand that tries to help me if there is nothing I can give in return. This -you scratch my back and I will scratch yours- approach to human relationships may seem business-like and that may be right but what alternatives are there- to become a saint or to become a tyrant. If you are going to sacrifice yourself for others you should not expect some kind of reward here or elsewhere. Then why not be a tyrant? Human solidarity? On an impersonal level that would be enough but on a personal level I suppose it comes down from wanting to be liked and not wanting to be hated and I admit some soppy stuff about wanting those around you content. But what if there is a conflict of interest between the soppy stuff and the selfish stuff? Well, it depends on whose interests I will be stepping over and to what extent and for what goal. It’s not so easy to come up with a few simple rules for behaviour that work in every context, the less specific the rule the more likely there are to be exceptions, the human mind may work according to mathematical equations but that doesn’t mean it should act like mathematical equations.

Finally I would like to say that I don’t resent anyone for the state I am in. Frankly things have been too good for me and people have been too kind to me a long time. There is no such thing as natural justice, people only sometimes get what they deserve and that is what has happened to me. I could say it was because I didn’t know any better and sometimes that was true but too say that I always didn’t know any better would just be an insult to my intelligence. Was I pre-determined to be a self-pitying loser? Well, if that is the case I shouldn’t feel guilty for it and if that isn’t the case then I don’t need to be guilty for it either. I haven’t done anything out right evil like say killing, manipulating people but hardly have I ever being in a position that I would need to or want to do it. I think there exists such a thing as a good person and it has got nothing to do with appearances nor has it anything to with sainthood (because the moment you abolish selfishness selflessness becomes worthless). George Orwell is my main role model for a good man, someone with his own interests but with a general sense of decency and scruples too. I don’t want to turn George Orwell into my go-to self-insert protagonist in my self-empowerment fantasy. I would be lying if I said that politics has got nothing to do with being a good man, it would be hard for me to call a Nazi or a Muslim terrorist ‘good’. But fundamentally it is a separate matter, good people can come to different conclusions- I am on the left but in and of itself that doesn’t make me good or bad. I will be damned to save me from embarrassment if someone reads this article but as in any other occasion I write something that no one else is supposed to see I can’t suppress the desire that someone might read it.

I think all I have written up to now can be summed up in three words in the following order: I am trash.

Percentages of time to be spent on tasks on a daily basis

Everyday I have around six hours of free time. Depending on how much time I have left I can adjust how much time I spend on each task always in this order: Study, Draw, Exercise, Write. As I am more likely to do what I do first and writing is the easiest of them all. I always panic and get nothing done when I have some free time. I need to organize myself (sometimes the obvious needs to be stated by someone so let it be me). I have roughly divided my time between what I want to do: Write/Draw and what I don’t want to do: Study/Exercise. Later on I hope to make the ratio of time spent between Study and Exercise to be 1:1 but given my failure of my last test

Calendar

This “year plan” is perhaps nothing more than a glorified Notebook Planner. At any rate I wanted to make it a lot less ad hoc than that, more along the lines of a list of special tasks for the next year. I think I made one for this year at the end of last year, God knows where that is, I suspect it should be somewhere along with the notes I call “My Personal Journal,” which must include supplications to write this or that many stories or novels- I of course did no such thing. I will be twenty next

year; hypothetically speaking I still have enough time to make something out of myself. I must cram every work of art I can get a hold of into my cranium in this limited time. I have wanted to kill myself sometime, actually quite frequently. It will take a few dozen decades before I get through everything I want to read and presumably I will only live a few dozen decades at best. Consequently I might as well just hang around than from above. It’s always annoying to listen to a man who is not well read nor well spoken – maybe that’s why I can’t stand myself.

Each monthly entry will include a list of goals with dates in a table and a monthly report on how that month went after the table. I will write the plans the specific ways I plan to achieve to achieve my goals here because I do not want to make this a boring mess and most of the steps are obvious even to me.

Honestly I can’t bring myself to care about things like Christmas or the New Year or my birthday because honestly they are repetitive and boring. The only that changes is that I am nearer to my death. I honestly don’t understand why people wish each other and greet and treat each other differently. Honestly it’s a little bit grotesque. As agent Smith from The Matrix put it: “I… hatethis place… this zoo… this prison… this reality, whatever you want to call it. I can’t stand it any longer. It’s the smell. If there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste… your stink. And every time I do, I fear that I have somehow been infected by it. It’s repulsive. Isn’t it? I must get out of here. I must get free.” The carnival aspect of it all, the show, it’s getting boring, a dreadful long party, where guests are taken out at random to a firing squad. And I am supposed to not to hate this… and whoever made it? Agent Smith is of course referring to the smell of humans. After all the people are part of the place. There is something very endearing in the way agent Smith always calls Neo “Mr. Anderson” before proceeding to try to kill him. I would really like to see a film just about agent Smith, the only character with a presence in this film. It’s like people are living in a loop and pretend not to realize it because other people are pretending not to realize it. Deceiving each other without even knowing that they are deceiving each other. It’s disturbing. All that said my emotions are determined by material conditions. The brain may have to say something after all. In short I don’t believe that the change tonight from year 2016 to 2017 is nothing more than glorified book-keeping and that I shouldn’t pay any attention to it as nothing else other than book-keeping. The clock striking twelve tonight means nothing to me and I will not be made to care about it by hysterical fools who like to make noise for nothing. I am tired of fireworks, I can’t even act surprised when I see them, any more. When you have gotten used to all of this maybe death isn’t so bad assuming that their isn’t more.

As I write this I am afraid it will amount to nothing. Of course I couldn’t fail to notice that this may fall into the tradition of 5-year plans (and its childishness) but come on not all five year plans were total failures. I don’t think I would make a good committee man.

January



Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Find a part-time job (preferably at a bookstore)for weekends


23/01/2017

Send P a letter + drawings.


15/01/2017

Get a gym membership at P College and fucking use it


20/01/2017

Get a GP



Settle the electricity, internet and gas supplies.



Go to a dentist for teeth whitening options


26/01/2017

Get a good haircut









Monthly Report for January

February


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for February

March


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for March

April


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for April

May


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for May

June


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for June

July


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for July

August


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for August

September


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for September

October


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for October

November


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



nanowrimo
























Monthly Report for November

December


Deadlines

Tasks

or ✘


Send P a letter + drawings.



























Monthly Report for December

Final Thoughts| 2017- A Year in Review